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[johnny9fingers]

Some years ago I wrote a novel that will never be published, probably because it ain't good enough.
However, I started a sequel which was a bit more playful. I'm now embarked upon some entirely different writing, but some months ago softside  mentioned an obsession with 'Waiting for Godot', which was a recurrent theme in the sequel.
This is probably my most unpleasant piece of writing, ergo, I'll stick it behind a cut.

 

 

A country road. A tree. Evening.

 

An Orc (Estragrargh), sitting on a low mound is trying to put on a boot. He pulls at it with both hands, panting. He gives up, exhausted, rests, tries again. As before.

Enter another orc: Vladisnargh.

 

1^st Orc:             [Picks up boot and attempts to put it on, again] Oi, Vlad, this fucking boot won’t go on.

2^nd Orc:            [Takes boot from Estragrargh] you thick cunt: that’s because it’s still got a foot in it. [Hands the boot back to Estragrargh] Take the foot out before you try to eat it, fuckwit turd-carapace. It’s not an either or situation. [Estragrargh is sucking at the boot] And you can’t inhale the fucking thing.

Est:                   He won’t fucking come.

Vlad:                Hmm.

Est:                   Grishnakh isn’t going to fucking turn up. High up in the councils of; beloved of the all seeing eye; and he’s still not going to fucking show.

Vlad:                You could get denounced like that, the shriekers will feed you to their pigeons if you’re not careful; give me that boot. [Takes boot and unpeels it from around foot. Other body parts are visible, strewn around the stage. He licks the leg-end of the foot.] There’s still good eating on that; coupla verrucas too by the smell: got to add to the flavour.

Est:                   It’s my fucking dinner, scumbag, only lick it if you mean to fight over it. [with show of great arrogance Vlad undoes his filthy breeches and pisses over the foot.] You fucking cunt, that’s my fucking supper. [Est pulls out a very long rusty sword and starts swinging it, Vlad doesn’t look alarmed in any way.]

Vlad:                Adds to the flavour. [Est swings the sword at Vlad’s head. Vlad ducks without looking and punches Est in the yarbles. Est doubles up. Vlad catches Est’s arms in a clinch, picks him up by his legs, debags him, and inserts the foot into Est’s posterior. It looks a painful procedure.]

Est:                   Ow. Don’t. You fucking cunt bastard shitwankertosscake. There’s no need to get nasty about it. [Extracts foot from behind and continues to eat it.]

Vlad:                Well shut the fuck up, felch-boy, and let me think. [Vlad puts his head in his hands. When he looks up again he sees Est with the iron shod boot over his genitals. Est is fucking the boot.] Fucking hell, don’t you ever give it a rest? Just don’t eat the boot when you’ve finished…please. [As Est pleasures himself two more figures appear: Pozzorgh and…

Comments

[vlion.livejournal.com]

Tolkien fanfic, eh? :)

[johnny9fingers.livejournal.com]

Via Beckett....though did wonder what Orcish comedy would be like.

[johnny9fingers.livejournal.com]

There were also versions...'Waiting for Pius': two nuns await a bishop; 'Waiting for Jimi', where Noel and Mitch tune up waiting for Jimi to show; 'Waiting for Kalkin' two Hindu monks wait for the tenth incarnation of Vishnu...
I'm sure you get the picture. Grishnakh was just the funniest when taken out of context.

[masquedbunny.livejournal.com]

This is much funnier than Waiting for Godot, or maybe I just didn't read WfG in the right spirit.

[johnny9fingers.livejournal.com]

Glad you like it. 'Twas meant to make folk laugh.

It ends rather abruptly...

[ankh156.livejournal.com]

I'd like to know how it continues... or maybe it segues to a 'commercial break'?

"felch-boy" : love it !

Re: It ends rather abruptly...

[johnny9fingers.livejournal.com]

It returns to the hospital where poor mad Felix is incarcerated...As all the versions are an intellectual game he plays while slightly adrift from reality.