(no subject)

[johnny9fingers]

Dad's getting a bit confused, or should I say a bit more confused. This is actually painful stuff, and almost impossible to write about. He remembers Mum and Mike and me, but doesn't remember how he got to the house he's living in at the moment, doesn't understand how he could have bought it, and doesn't remember who he worked for, or the positions he held. Wants reassurance that he'll not be carted off back to the hospital on an hourly basis - & extracted promises from all around including visiting relatives. Thankfully he's in good humour despite confusion.
I'm finding even the small amounts of nursing I'm doing much more difficult than I imagined. The horrors of the viscera, and the products thereof, are not something I'd come into contact with too often, being delicate from birth and having aversions to such.
Just have to hold one's nose and get on with it. Undoubtedly it will make me a better person eventually.
At least I'm not doing this all on a battlefield. If anyone ever calls Walt Whitman something derogatory in my presence, I shall punch them...probably.

Comments

[kmilligan.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I went through all this with my mother 12 years ago, so I know how much is sucks.

I hope you get through it ok.

Thanks

[johnny9fingers.livejournal.com]

Thanks Sebastian,
As I said before, you are one of the people I respect. I'm sorry about your mother, and I hope the intervening years have made the loss easier to bear.
I've never until now kept a diary, and I never thought I would write so open a document as I am in general, a private person - until now I've always used the filters of Art - & I'm still uncomfortable with it as a medium.
To be candid, I didn't expect this to happen yet. I thought that I'd get a chance to 'mouth off a bit' and express opinions and engage in debate: events have rather overtaken that expectation. Getting my teeth into a debate gave me a distraction, and one which I welcome, but I find I can't engage now unless it has some meaning. I don't really think I can fix any of the world's problems, but I have to think I'm trying.
Am trying to be stoical, and have a brilliant example in Dad, which I shall do my best to follow. It rather helps to have something to live up to.
Take care, speak your mind, and do your best to be right (as in correct). It's better than the alternative.